Currently I do not have a lesson program. Instead I have started an apprenticeship program for fellow military wives in my area. I find that I am able to combine my love of teaching and training in to one delightful experience. I seek out ladies who have at least intermediate skills and been displaced from their horses and offer them a place to learn the many facets of the industry we deal with as well as expand their riding and over all horsemanship skills whether they want to continue on learning for this as a career or if they just want to improve their over all skills for their own personal enjoyment.
However, something happened along the way that I did not expect. Let's be honest, as an instructor for children you are usually the first to notice changes in them, be their confidant, and help them develop a healthy way to handle stress and new/changing situations. Yet, when you think of taking on adults as apprentices and teaching them, it seems as though it will be an easier task. After all, they have already formed their personalities, they have life experience....but as a woman who has fought tooth and nail to learn all she has and be where she is in life and is not afraid to show herself as a strong confident female, I found myself surprised that the apprentices coming to me and that I choose because I see so much potential and a willingness to learn are not as comfortable in their own skin as I would have expected. I hear "sorry" for every little thing, so much so I realized these women don't even realize they are dragging themselves down. They do not realize that instead of admitting a mistake they are blaming themselves for them. They do not realize that a mistake is not a bad thing, it is step FORWARD if you change it in your mind from "I'm sorry" to "I made an error, next time I will do 'xyz' instead".
I'm not going to go all feminist here, but realistically, as girls we are told to quiet, polite, etc. Many behaviors that fall in to the "boys will be boys" category are "inappropriate" for us. Perhaps I was ahead in the game as I had a father that raised me no differently than he would have a boy. I had boy cousins that didn't care if I was a girl it was keep up or be left. I had adopted family, like brothers, that were determined to prepare me for a world that take advantage of me if I didn't stand up to it. And so, as I developed myself as an instructor and trainer, even though I felt "less than" compared to many of my fellow students in college, I refused to let anyone or any experience pull me down. It was during those years in college I took classes in psychology (after all, if I wanted to teach riders, understanding how the mind works is a big help) and learned how our early experienced formed our personalities and our continuing experiences and how we talk to our selves via our inner dialog affect us.
This bring me forward again, to riding as a life lesson. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING will bring out of a person their strengths and weakness's (even if they believe them to be well hidden) as a horse. And so from one apprentice to the next I began to realize the trouble they were having in learning a new technique, or handling a specific horse, or working on a specific task nearly ALWAYS has had nothing to do with being unable. It boiled down to a piece of their personality, and often a piece they do not like about themselves. Be it giving up to easily, being afraid to show dominance, allowing things to happen around them rather than control what is happening, or feeling as if they are at fault for a mistake. These issues are not because they are lazy or fearful. It is because they have been conditioned so, and they have been talking to themselves with an inner dialog that slowly eats away at their self confidence and they don't even know it.
Know this, there is hope. (please take a moment to read my blog "why I want you to fail"). You are not alone. If you want to improve your horsemanship you need to improve your own self, and if you want to improve your own self you need to improve your horsemanship. The first step is simple. STOP SAYING "I'M SORRY" (unless of course you lose control of a horse and it tap dances on the farrier's head, then by all means PLEASE apologize) but STOP saying those words for a simple mistake. Each time you say those words your brain hears "I was wrong, I screwed up". Instead say "Well, that did not go as planned, how can I fix this?" or "I did not understand what you wanted me to do, can you please explain it to me again so I can understand better?" Retrain your brain to be positive, to understand that mistakes are not the end of the world, they are a stepping stone.
2. Set yourself up for success, be prepared for the work you are about to do even if that means taking a few extra moments to talk it over with your trainer first and don't expect it to be perfect, just expect it to be SAFE and as correct as possible, the rest will come with each time you do it.
3. Do not be afraid to ask questions, if you don't ask you will never know, and your trainer will never know that you do not understand something, and if we do not know that you do not understand we do not know we need to take the time to teach you.
And finally, realize the person judging you the hardest is yourself. Now, while this is not a bad thing, this is what keeps those of us that are driven from giving up, you need to remember, others do not look at you with the same harshness you look at yourself. If you believe the entire world sees you as critically as you see yourself, you will mentally brutilize yourself trying to live up to unreal and nonexistent expectations.
Stand up and own what you know. Be willing to admit what you do not know. Be prepared to learn. But never let your own thoughts or the world around you diminish who you are. I promise, you will be a better horseman, and a happier person for it.
